Friday, August 29, 2014


Maybe it would surprise you to know that when the movie Brokeback Mountain came on TMN, I watched part of it.
Sure, I thought. I’m a 21st century man, accepting and non-judgemental. I’ll give it a shot.
For the first little while, I was pleasantly surprised. The story of these two gay men was compelling, it was very well-acted, and I felt the chemistry between the dead joker guy and his little mango looking dude was palpable, a really believable story of two people in love.
I was proud of myself. Look at me, I thought. I am a mature, unbigoted hetero white male. I am enjoying this story without casting any aspersions on these two gay lovers. I am so enlightened. I am so hip.
And then there was the scene in the tent. I told myself Okay Bob, you can do this. Two guys in love, no biggie.
And then the dead joker guy spit on his hand.
I was like “Oh.”
“Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no no no.”
I closed my eyes. Suddenly the No’s were turning into guttural ape sounds.
“OOOH OOOH EEE EEE AAAH AAH” I jumped on top of my sofa and started wildly waving my arms around, shaking my fists and baring my teeth at the movie. I leaped onto my coffee table and dug into my chip dip bowl with both hands and started hurling globs of creamy goo that splattered  across my flatscreen, all the while hooting and shrieking “OOOH EEE EEE AAAH AAAH!” and savagely beating my chest.
When Barb got home the TV was smashed and she found me perched on the kitchen counter picking things out of the cat’s fur and eating them.
I walked around for a week grunting in shame, my knuckles dragging behind me on the ground.
Dammit! I thought. I was this close to being enlightened.
I have recovered nearly every memory from that day and I wonder if the things I witnessed left any permanent scarring on my psyche.
I still don't remember where I got that cat.
I can't even tell you why I kept it because I was never a cat person before

Sometimes I catch it staring at me now and softly purring
Like it knows something.

No comments:

Post a Comment